For those of you who don't already know this, I became quite the sex educator in my time in North Carolina. On my first day of work at Duke School as Curriculum Director, the wonderful guidance councilor (Sarah) informed me that we were going to be revising the school's sexuality curriculum -- and that the committee would be showing up the next day to start its work. I still see that smile on Sarah's face -- the one that says, "yeah, I'm serious" and "can you believe this is happening" and "this will be fun" all at the same time. Well, she was serious, I couldn't believe it was happening and in the end it was one of the most fun experiences of my life. Over the next two years, we worked to create what I thought was one of the most comprehensive sexuality curricula for 5th through 8th grades. The fun part came toward the end, when I actually got to go into the classrooms and help teach!
Duke School is quite a liberal institution and our approach to instruction in this area was well...quite open. Sarah and I taught the 5th graders and in the end they wrote a book called, "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Your Changing Body (but were afraid to ask)". 6th graders actually learned that the super quick swimming sperm didn't just magically appear inside the fallopian tube and fertilize the egg -- there was a little more to it than abracadabra. The joy of 7th grade was the discussion of sexually transmitted diseases...and looking at those pictures of various and sundry infected organs. 8th graders really got into the discussions of dating and prophylactics. In the end, I think that the faculty did a great job helping the kids feel at ease about their bodies, respectful of the values of others and sexuality in general. Thanks Sarah and Carol for guiding me on that wonderful adventure -- I miss our penis and vagina discussions!
As I've started my new adventure at an elementary school, I honestly didn't expect to be conducting many human sexuality discussions outside of the "5th Grade Physical Maturation Unit" (which is quite tame compared to my experiences at Duke School). Boy was I wrong....
A few weeks ago, one of our dear kindergarten teachers came to my office. Trailing behind her were ten 5/6 year old boys. In her most stern kindergarten teacher voice, she told them to sit along the wall in the hallway while she spoke to me. It seems that her class had been on a field trip to the Children's Theatre. As they were riding back to the school on the bus, one of her young men decided to expose himself to the unsuspecting mom/chaperon that was in the seat beside him. The mom, who was quite surprised by the exhibition corrected the young man and informed the teacher immediately. Upon further investigation, the teacher learned that several of the boys in her class had been "comparing things" during rest time over the past few days. It seems that our young man on the bus was the "winner" among his peers and thought that he would share a glimpse of himself with his friend's mom.
Since I am a male, the teacher thought that it would be a good idea if I spoke with the boys privately about appropriate times to "show yourself" with others. Before she left my office and the boys came in, we brainstormed appropriate times for kindergartners to show their privates with others -- parents and doctor, maybe school nurse if you are hurting really bad "down there". The boys came into my office and sat in the floor beside my desk -- I really wanted to get into the floor with them, but my office isn't big enough. I sat in my chair and looked down on the bright-eyed munchkins -- trying with all of my might not to break out laughing. As I started my talk, I realized that I had no idea what I should call "it". Back at Duke School, we actually had this activity in which the boys wrote every slang term they could think of for the word penis, and then we talked about each of the words. Trust me when I say, none of those words -- including penis -- felt right in this conversation. I quickly remembered back to the time when my son was in kindergarten -- we had several words to refer to 'it' -- willie, tee tee, pee pee. Divine guidance led me to use the word "tee tee". As I spoke, I chose my words very carefully -- remember...with great power comes great responsibility. What I said was not quite as important as how I said it. I didn't want to scar the boys for life -- making them terrified of their "tee tee" and providing them material for future visits with their therapist when they become young adults. As I spoke there were 20 huge eyes staring up at me -- half with an uncomfortable embarrassment, the other with an uncomfortable guilt. In the end, we all agreed that you should only show your tee tee to your parents, your doctor, and maybe the school nurse if you are hurting really bad down there. We also decided that if anybody ever asked to see your tee tee, you should tell a trusted adult immediately. Luckily, none of them had any questions...
I've dropped by the classroom several times since then to check in on the boys -- the last time I dropped by, one of them smiled and gave me a thumbs-up as he whispered, "no tee tees Mr. Torbert!"
Duke School is quite a liberal institution and our approach to instruction in this area was well...quite open. Sarah and I taught the 5th graders and in the end they wrote a book called, "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Your Changing Body (but were afraid to ask)". 6th graders actually learned that the super quick swimming sperm didn't just magically appear inside the fallopian tube and fertilize the egg -- there was a little more to it than abracadabra. The joy of 7th grade was the discussion of sexually transmitted diseases...and looking at those pictures of various and sundry infected organs. 8th graders really got into the discussions of dating and prophylactics. In the end, I think that the faculty did a great job helping the kids feel at ease about their bodies, respectful of the values of others and sexuality in general. Thanks Sarah and Carol for guiding me on that wonderful adventure -- I miss our penis and vagina discussions!
As I've started my new adventure at an elementary school, I honestly didn't expect to be conducting many human sexuality discussions outside of the "5th Grade Physical Maturation Unit" (which is quite tame compared to my experiences at Duke School). Boy was I wrong....
A few weeks ago, one of our dear kindergarten teachers came to my office. Trailing behind her were ten 5/6 year old boys. In her most stern kindergarten teacher voice, she told them to sit along the wall in the hallway while she spoke to me. It seems that her class had been on a field trip to the Children's Theatre. As they were riding back to the school on the bus, one of her young men decided to expose himself to the unsuspecting mom/chaperon that was in the seat beside him. The mom, who was quite surprised by the exhibition corrected the young man and informed the teacher immediately. Upon further investigation, the teacher learned that several of the boys in her class had been "comparing things" during rest time over the past few days. It seems that our young man on the bus was the "winner" among his peers and thought that he would share a glimpse of himself with his friend's mom.
Since I am a male, the teacher thought that it would be a good idea if I spoke with the boys privately about appropriate times to "show yourself" with others. Before she left my office and the boys came in, we brainstormed appropriate times for kindergartners to show their privates with others -- parents and doctor, maybe school nurse if you are hurting really bad "down there". The boys came into my office and sat in the floor beside my desk -- I really wanted to get into the floor with them, but my office isn't big enough. I sat in my chair and looked down on the bright-eyed munchkins -- trying with all of my might not to break out laughing. As I started my talk, I realized that I had no idea what I should call "it". Back at Duke School, we actually had this activity in which the boys wrote every slang term they could think of for the word penis, and then we talked about each of the words. Trust me when I say, none of those words -- including penis -- felt right in this conversation. I quickly remembered back to the time when my son was in kindergarten -- we had several words to refer to 'it' -- willie, tee tee, pee pee. Divine guidance led me to use the word "tee tee". As I spoke, I chose my words very carefully -- remember...with great power comes great responsibility. What I said was not quite as important as how I said it. I didn't want to scar the boys for life -- making them terrified of their "tee tee" and providing them material for future visits with their therapist when they become young adults. As I spoke there were 20 huge eyes staring up at me -- half with an uncomfortable embarrassment, the other with an uncomfortable guilt. In the end, we all agreed that you should only show your tee tee to your parents, your doctor, and maybe the school nurse if you are hurting really bad down there. We also decided that if anybody ever asked to see your tee tee, you should tell a trusted adult immediately. Luckily, none of them had any questions...
I've dropped by the classroom several times since then to check in on the boys -- the last time I dropped by, one of them smiled and gave me a thumbs-up as he whispered, "no tee tees Mr. Torbert!"
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